Was making lunch for my daughter this afternoon and turned around to find her pouring grape juice into a cup by herself - and I'm not talking white grapes. I quickly hurried over to her without making too much noise. I didn't want to startle her and in the process cause her to make the mess which I suspected was about to be made anyway. I came around from behind her grabbed the jug out of her right hand and braced the cup with my left.
"Lemme help you with that. You don't wanna make a mess."
As soon as I said it, I knew I was wrong - and that Mia was going to tell me about it.
"No, dad, it's not that. You just don't wanna deal with my mess."
The way she said it stung - her choice of words...DEAL. I began to think about it. She was right. The potential "mistake" would have been inconsequential - what, a little spilled juice and some stained clothes? Not really that big of a deal. This kid has only a few articles of clothing left that aren't stained anyway. What's a few more?
The truth is, apart from fearing my response to her mistake, she really didn't care all that much if she spilled the juice. I just didn't feel like being inconvenienced with her mess. And that's when I felt the Lord tug on my heart and ask me some hard questions - questions that expose how I view Him as a Father... "Is that what you think I feel about you? That the messes you make when you try something new inconvenience me? That I'm hovering over your shoulder waiting for the slightest hint of a mistake so I can take over and just do it myself? Do you think i DEAL with you and your condition, that I put up with you?"
So often, I make decisions with the perspective that their consequences are about to define my entire life. Nagging at my heart somewhere in the background noise is the fear that I'll make a mess and that I'll put those around me - God Himself - in a position to have to DEAL with me. I need to remind myself that God is not afraid of what might happen if I fail Him. That He knows the end from the beginning and isn't intimidated by my imperfections. He doesn't deal with me. He wants me. The areas where I lack do not inconvenience my Father.
"Lemme help you with that. You don't wanna make a mess."
As soon as I said it, I knew I was wrong - and that Mia was going to tell me about it.
"No, dad, it's not that. You just don't wanna deal with my mess."
The way she said it stung - her choice of words...DEAL. I began to think about it. She was right. The potential "mistake" would have been inconsequential - what, a little spilled juice and some stained clothes? Not really that big of a deal. This kid has only a few articles of clothing left that aren't stained anyway. What's a few more?
The truth is, apart from fearing my response to her mistake, she really didn't care all that much if she spilled the juice. I just didn't feel like being inconvenienced with her mess. And that's when I felt the Lord tug on my heart and ask me some hard questions - questions that expose how I view Him as a Father... "Is that what you think I feel about you? That the messes you make when you try something new inconvenience me? That I'm hovering over your shoulder waiting for the slightest hint of a mistake so I can take over and just do it myself? Do you think i DEAL with you and your condition, that I put up with you?"
So often, I make decisions with the perspective that their consequences are about to define my entire life. Nagging at my heart somewhere in the background noise is the fear that I'll make a mess and that I'll put those around me - God Himself - in a position to have to DEAL with me. I need to remind myself that God is not afraid of what might happen if I fail Him. That He knows the end from the beginning and isn't intimidated by my imperfections. He doesn't deal with me. He wants me. The areas where I lack do not inconvenience my Father.
thanks for this! i can so relate! so often the words I speak to my children come back to me to deal with my heart!
ReplyDeleteheather :)